Grieving: my attempt to process the process 

I sometimes think it takes something tragic to make you fully get over something in your past. With the disclaimer that I do not want this to become the Denver blog, I am still grieving and I also know it has helped a lot of us to remember her and reflect on how much she impacted us. I have also approached this blog with the hopes of being as real as possible: sometimes a little too real. I rarely re-read my posts, but sometimes I go back to make a recipe again and cringe when I remember just how real I was. However, this lasts a second and then I recall a comment or private message someone sent me saying that my honesty helped him or her through a similar obstacle.

How long after her passing is it acceptable to cry every time you take a shower? When will I stop trying to send her letters? Will I have to avoid her street when I walk to yoga this summer? These are questions you cannot google. Trust me, I tried. I don’t know the answers to these questions, but I do know that everyone grieves differently and in the meantime, I’m ok. Denver made me a much stronger person and every time I doubt myself or overanalyze why I am here, I have to trust that God knows what he is doing. I think we would all lose our minds if he didn’t.

There was a reason I moved back to Indy and Denver was excited to have me back. There was a reason I quit my job and had the opportunity to spend her last two months with her. I had no idea that our time was that limited, but I believe God made me available. I even believe that having a health ordeal has made me a more compassionate person. I’ve stayed true to myself over the years, but with each obstacle, I’ve become the best Libby I can be. I have different sets of friends of varying ages: 20-28, my age, and 30-40+. Each group provides different insight and has given me perspective of what is really important to me. I hope that I serve as a voice of reason most of the time to my slightly younger friends and my 30-40+ married friends have shown me what I hope to have in a marriage someday. Denver taught me about love – the kind everyone should aspire to have and she constantly reminded me of what I didn’t want or deserve.

So, what’s next? I have a lifetime of adventures ahead and Denver would say, ‘Buckle up, friend!’ I will mail ninja cards, organize ridiculous outings with friends for my bucket list (hello, acrobat yoga!), and network like crazy. I am blessed in the professional realm – I have a lot of people actively helping me figure out the next chapter in my life. An enthusiastic, cheerful, nerdy intern with cookies in her purse can go a long way if you maintain those connections.

As for my personal life, I could not have more amazing friends and well, you know Winston. It will take a very unique, confident, patient man to win my heart. Witty too. Life is too short not to laugh for most of it. Must love fluffy (and ornery) dogs, eating copious amounts of baked goods, random trivia (including presidential trivia), and have an appreciation for curly, unruly hair. There are more, but that’s a starter list.

Xx

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